A super popular buzz phrase you always hear, at least I know I do, is “What is your Why”. It doesn't matter if you work inside the home, work outside the home for someone else, or just have a goal of eating better quality foods. The “Why” answer is important to keeping you on track (along with lots of asking God for help- ha!) So here is my attempt at trying to explain my “why” to you but also for me. Here goes…..
No one ever tells you how hard life is after having one child, much less 3. Your priorities completely change from going out on the weekends and living it up to taking care of literally every need for another human being that relies solely on you. I knew that in theory, but practice is another story. I wont lie to you and tell you that I have always been a healthy eater because that would just be a bold faced lie and I pride myself on honesty and integrity. My most fond memories of high school are cheese stuffed crust pizza, snickers bars, and Dr Pepper- every.single.day. And I LOVED it! Even though my diet was piss poor, I have always been active. I was kind of a tomboy who never wore shoes and played outside ALL DAY to cheering in high school that consisted of practices with having to stay late and run bleachers for back talking my coach (i always have to have the last word) and then it was Coast Guard Bootcamp and having to at least stay fit enough to run that damn awful 1.5 mile run in under 15 mins, which I did everytime- just barely. Then along came kids. See- my desire for fitness or healthy living just went right out the window. In pregnancy I ate enough chocolate cake for 10, much less just 2 and then after I really took the advice of sleeping while the baby slept (ahhhh), then it was back to work and rush rush rush. Fitness did not fit into that schedule. Well, it could have but it just wasn't a priority at the time for me. After the birth of my second child, my sweet husband, Sid- who knows me better that I do sometimes, thought something was off about me. Even though I wasn't trying to get to the gym, I was always still spunky and happy and then I just wasn’t. I didn't want to leave the house, elastic waisted pants were my jam (still are), and i laid on the couch watching Friends for hours. Admittedly I could still do that part. So- Sid hired personal trainers for us. I was none too pleased and assumed that he must have thought I looked like a whale, but in reality he knew I needed something that wasn't kids and work to get out and go do. The last thing i wanted to go do was get my ass kicked by some super fit human being on purpose, but because I am a people pleaser, I did just that. I hated the workout part but luckily my trainer didn't make me feel like the out of shape, exhausted mother of 2 that I was. I really started enjoying it then naturally my trainer moved away and that gym shut its doors. So, I was back to square one- kinda- the pilot light sized desire to be a somewhat fit human being had been lit. Fast forward many years through Zumba classes, P90X in the living room (I hate Tony Horton), the addition of another child after 2 miscarriages *cue depression period please, diet fails immediately after diet startups, to more workout videos at home, to group bootcamp classes, to hot yoga. You get the picture. I have done it ALL. Don t even get me started on my step aerobic days. #memories. Now, mind you, my dear Sid has been through all of that with me and it seems that when the words “I will never do that” come out of my mouth, I get proven wrong within a week. I will try it- damn it. So when he came back from a Crossfit class and ranted and raved and I said I would never try, I think we both knew I was full of it. Because a week later I was there……petrified. See- I didn't know one single woman in my life who could do things like rope climbs, pull ups, heavy barbell work- and I saw a lot doing it that day. All different levels of course, but they were waaaaaay stronger than I was. I kept telling myself “Aw Hell No” inside but once the nervous sweating stopped, I realized that I was being welcomed like they had known me for years. So fast forward through all of the growing pains of learning what the difference between a snatch and a clean were, how in the world to do a handstand pushup, crying through busted up shins learning how to rope climb, and I really started to realize that this whole thing was waaaaay more than just getting fit and looking good. It was becoming more about who I was as a person. I was really finding myself through humility after getting my ass handed to me, perserverance by just not giving up, and growing the confidence to know that I was really capable of doing hard work. We were made to work and I was really realizing that my body was so much stronger than I ever thought. I don't think that I ever understood just how little self esteem I really had until I actually now have some. Plus- not to mention I have made some of the most wonderful friends in this endeavor. We are all so different, but come together with one common goal- to die together every day in our workouts but to grow as hard working honest human beings. It is something I cherish everyday. Just like everything in life, we grow beyond our fish tanks and have to move on.
So now we are at the present day and this is really where I think I learned my “why”. I am NOT a risky person. I tell people regularly that if it were up to me Sid and I would work 9-5 jobs and live the “normal” life bc I do not think outside of the box and i feel loved when I feel secure. Big dreams and risk do not breed security in me. So, when Sid said “Scott and I are gonna open a gym” I gave every reason under the sun why we shouldn’t, couldn’t, stressed out, cried, etc. This is how I know God has a plan and a sense of humor bc Sids middle name is risk and we have been married for almost 16 years. He pushes me outside of my comfort zone at least once daily. Sometimes I appreciate it but sometimes I want to poke him in the eye…..hard. So- yeah, I lost the battle and we are co owners in a Functional Fitness Group Workout gym and I couldn't be happier. Sure, there are always stressors and nothing is perfect but I really think this solidifys my WHY……. to help others get the same feeling of confidence and self esteem that I get from doing some hard work day in and day out. To show all of my children that their mom is tough, not just physically but mentally. That being out of your comfort zone is truly where all sorts of growth happens. Through coaching, my WHY is showing that one momma who was in the same boat that I was that you really can do it. Its hard and it hurts, but you can and you will. I want to be a healthy female role model, not only to my children, but also to women of all shapes, sizes, and fitness levels and show them that you can be a damn good mom but not lose your identity in your children. It is all truly about balance and we can achieve it. Cliche I know, but its true. Workout and eat right, but also go on the vacation and eat the Ice cream on family movie nights.
